There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
