I want to stick my p in your. b.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
