you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize