seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
