The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You have to summon your inner elephant
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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