connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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