I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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