somebody snuck up and got me drunk
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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