i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
