I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
