I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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