i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
