You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
