The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
