I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
