she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
