Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I need moral support for this bender
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
