I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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