no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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