1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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