Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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