Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't deserve a penis
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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