First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
