Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
