yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
