Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
