Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
