No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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