dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
