I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
