Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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