All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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