You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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