i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
