she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Man, jail baloney is awful.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
