He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
