This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
