Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
