I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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