I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
