No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
