we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
from now on my penis is your penis
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
