No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
