I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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