The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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