Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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