I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
