You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
