There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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