I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
