I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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