Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
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Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize