you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
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I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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