Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
nutella sex= disaster
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
