grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
