And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
