i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
