Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
