So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
