Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
