Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
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Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Who put my cat in the fridge?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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