you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
