My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
