You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have already put on my inside pants.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
