Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
