Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
