So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
