Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
