I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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