It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
