perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
