I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
