Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
