Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
