I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I want a musical about memes.
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