When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
