Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize