My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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