There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
