no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
