Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
